Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Movie Quotes

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (c) 1994 Warner Brothers. These quotes culled by me, and I obviously have way too much time on my hands.

COACH: Now what do we say on the court, repeat after me: I am a person, I have a right to the ball.

BUFFY: Excuse me for not knowing about El Salvador. Like I'm ever going to Spain anyway.

KIMBERLY: Puh-lease, that is so five minutes ago.

BENNY: I don't believe these people. We paid good money to see this!
PIKE: No, we didn't.
BENNY: Oh. Yeah.

ANDY: Jeffrey, I don't wanna sound sexist or anything, but can I borrow her?

NEWSCASTER: The apparent cause of death was a severe neck wound that resembled, in the words of one bystander, 'a really gross hickey'.

BUFFY'S MOM: Kiss noise!

CASSANDRA: Okay, guys, what do you think about the ozone layer?
BUFFY: Yeah, we gotta get rid of that.

BENNY: I got a newsflash for you, another shot of that and I'll have sex with you.
PIKE: Oh yeah, and then you'll never call me.

BENNY: I think I'm gonna ralph.
PIKE: Oh, hey, Benny, I'm here for you, man! I'm beer! I'm here for you, Ralph.

MERRICK: This is not a very safe place for you to fall asleep.
PIKE: Okay... mom...

JENNIFER: Okay guys, I was thinking, for the senior dance, what if we made a big sign that said "Don't Tread On Me"? You know, and a picture of the Earth?
BUFFY: How do you not tread on the earth? I mean, you kind of have to, right?
JENNIFER: Oh. Yeah, I never thought of that, yeah.

BUFFY: My birthright? Is that like a trust fund or something?

BUFFY: My trust fund's in the graveyard? God, what's your damage?

BUFFY: All right, let me get this straight. You want me to go to the graveyard with you because I'm the Chosen One and there are vampires?
BUFFY: Does Elvis talk to you?

BUFFY: I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I'm in a graveyard with a strange man hunting for vampires on a school night. Ew!

PIKE: You look like shit.
BENNY: Well, I feel... free.
PIKE: You on something? (Benny is floating in front of a second-story window.)
BENNY: No. (laughs) Let me in, Pike! I'm hungry.
PIKE: Go home, Ben.
BENNY: I'm hungry!
PIKE: You're floating!

BUFFY: God! What are you doing here? This is a naked place!

MERRICK: It is true, you have missed years of training...
MERRICK: And you are undisciplined, frivolous...
BUFFY: Don't I know it.
MERRICK: ...quite probably the most vacuous choice in my entire--
BUFFY: Okay! Okay, I think we both get the point!

BUFFY: Don't you get it? I don't want to be the Chosen One. I don't want to spend the rest of my life chasing vampires. All I want to do is graduate from high school, go to Europe, marry Christian Slater, and die!

BUFFY: Oh. Wow. I never hit anybody before.
MERRICK: Really? Well, you did it perfectly.
BUFFY: I didn't even break a nail.

PRINCIPAL MURRAY: Don't think of me as Gary Murray, administrator. No. Think of me as Gary Murray, party guy. Happenin' dude who can talk to the young. So, tell me. It's drugs, isn't it? Hey, I know where you're coming from. Believe me, I've had my drug experiences. Oh yeah, yeah, I did a lot. Well, some acid in the 60's. Yeah, I was at a Doobie Brothers concert, and I could see the music flowing in, flowing into me, it was bright red and electric. And I felt like I was a big, uh, toaster, you know, and I thought, 'Well, maybe I am a toaster and we're all molecules'. And you know my friend Melissa, her head looked like a big party balloon, and that, boy - ho, ho, that scared me. And - then I, well, I started to freak out.

BUFFY: Does the word 'duh' mean anything to you?

BUFFY: Great. My secret weapon is PMS.

MERRICK: I play my part.
BUFFY: You can play with your part all you want, but it's my neck on the block.

BUFFY: What, 'til there aren't any more vampires? Then what?
MERRICK: Oh, then maybe I'll go to heaven.
BUFFY: Or maybe you'll just get a job.

BUFFY: Merrick, I'm not going to croak that easy. I have something that the other girls didn't have.
MERRICK: And what might that be, pray?
BUFFY: My keen fashion sense.
MERRICK: Oh, vampires of the world beware.

AMILYN: You ruined my new jacket! Kill him a lot.

PIKE: Huu...
BUFFY: Is that your van?
PIKE: Yeah, it was...

PIKE: Hey, you're that weird guy.
MERRICK: You've been hurt.
PIKE: Aw, no, you know what they say, any one you can walk away from is a good...
BUFFY: You know this guy?
MERRICK: Well, he seems rather fond of passing out just as I happen by.

BUFFY: You doing okay?
PIKE: Yeah, I'm good. I kinda miss my knees, though...

PIKE: I've got this friend, and he's really... well, he's really a vampire, it's not a good scene, it's a *bad* scene...

PIKE: Who *are* you? I'm sorry, but you seem like such a flake - I mean that in a good way, really, it's just, you know... Hey - I can keep talking until you strike me dead, or not, I prefer not.

BUFFY: You know what it's like when everything is suddenly different? And everything you thought was crucial seems so stupid. You find yourself babbling incoherently to a strange man in your living room.
PIKE: Are you calling me a man?

PIKE: I know what it's like.

LOTHOS: And do something about that arm. It looks horrible. Honestly, I don't know how you made it through the Crusades.

ANDY: Woah! Woah! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I don't actually need any right now!

BUFFY: Don't grab me, okay?
ANDY: Absolutely. I see now the error of my mistake.

MERRICK: None of the other girls ever gave me this much trouble.
BUFFY: And where are they now? Hello!

COACH: Therefore, if we all work together, together it'll all work out! Are you with me?

COACH: Get out there! Score some, uh, points!

COACH: You missed practice again today. I think you'd better sit down and think about how that made me feel.

COACH: You're in. And remember: you're special. All right! Assert your personhood! Actualize! Actualize!

REFEREE: Coach, we can't have this, we gotta get him out of there, that's not right.
COACH: Absolutely, I hear you, it is reprehensible - but, ah, the point's good, right? Okay.

GRUELLER: (bares fangs at Riverview player)

COACH: You go get him out.

ANDY: Grueller's pretty much abandoned the concept of zones.

BIKER #1: Hey babe, you wanna get some real power between your legs?
BUFFY: Yeah, I do!
BIKER #2: Dyke! You're a dyke! I'll tell the world!

GRUELLER: Someone get an ouchie?
BUFFY: Grueller, it's me, remember me, Buffy? We used to hang. My birthday party, you drank all the blueberry Schnapps and luged on my mom? You were my friend.
GRUELLER: Now, I'm a god.
PIKE: And now, you're a coatrack. Geek.

BUFFY: What are you doing here?
PIKE: What am I doing here, I'm saving your butt. Well, there was sort of an exchange of butts...

PIKE: I'm good with damage.

PIKE: I know that guy. That is a bad guy, can we go please?

PIKE: Does anybody here have a problem with this but me?

PIKE: Are you addressing I?

LOTHOS: You finally brought me someone real. But is she ready?
MERRICK: Well, actually, she's quite a pain in the ass.

PIKE: C'mon, Lefty. You remember what happened the last time you messed with me.
AMILYN: I remember.
PIKE: Shit...

LOTHOS: We're leaving.
AMILYN: We're not eating?

KIMBERLY: Buffy, what is your sitch? You're acting like the thing from another tax bracket. It's too weird.

BUFFY: A couple weeks ago, I met this guy...
KIMBERLY: Oh my God, you're having an affair?
JENNIFER: Does Jeffrey know?
BUFFY: It's not about that. He's like, old, he's fifty.

KIMBERLY: Like your hanging out with that homeless Poke?
BUFFY: Pike.
NICOLE: Eww! You're having an affair with *him*?!
JENNIFER: He doesn't look fifty.

BUFFY: Guys, I think reality stepped out here about five minutes ago.

NICOLE: Uh-huh. Like, now, we're, like, stupid?

KIMBERLY: It happens to be the last dance of our last year.
NICOLE: Except for the semi-formal.
JENNIFER: Oh, and the totally formal.
KIMBERLY: Oh yeah.
NICOLE: Oh, and the Senior Prom.

KIMBERLY: Get out of my facial.

BUFFY: Have you seen Jeffrey?
ANDY: If I say no, are you gonna hurt me?

JEFFREY: I told you about all this.
BUFFY: No, you didn't.
JEFFREY: Didn't you get my message?
BUFFY: You left me a message?
JEFFREY: You weren't home! Like always.
BUFFY: You broke up with my machine?!

PIKE: I crashed your party.
BUFFY: How shallow of you.

PIKE: Would I get my ass kicked if I asked you to dance?
BUFFY: Maybe.

PRINCIPAL MURRAY: I have detention slips here and I'm not afraid to use them!

PIKE: We got a problem. I got a bag full of solutions, what are we gonna do about it?

BUFFY: If any of them come in here it's going to turn into a total stain.
PIKE: Yeah, you say that like it's a bad thing.

BUFFY: Don't piss me off.

AMILYN: Hi. How's it going?
BUFFY: I'm fine. But you're obviously having a bad hair day.

AMILYN: Or she could go for what's behind door number three.

BENNY: Come on, come on, fight like a man.

BENNY: You know, honestly, I leave you alone for five minutes and look who you're hanging out with.

BENNY: Ah, forget them. Live forever. We could start a band.

AMILYN: I'll get you, Buffy, and your little dog too.

AMILYN: Admit it, Buffy; aren't there times when you just feel... less than fresh?

AMILYN: We can do anything.
BUFFY: Oh yeah? Clap.

PIKE: Things change, Ben.
BENNY: Aw, what's up with that, Pike?

LOTHOS: You and I are one.
BUFFY: One what? Cute couple?

LOTHOS: You and I - look at me - you and I are joined.
BUFFY: We're joined? Puh-lease.

PRINCIPAL MURRAY: Detention, detention...

PRINCIPAL MURRAY: That is definitely not a student.

PIKE: I got him! ...Well, I had him.

LOTHOS: Now, I'm really pissed off.


BUFFY: Pike.
PIKE: I used to be. You okay?
BUFFY: Yeah, I'm all right. Are you okay?
PIKE: I can't move my legs.
PIKE: 'Cause you're sitting on them.

PIKE: Did I do all of that?
PIKE: Did you do all of that?
BUFFY: Yeah.

ANDY: They had fangs, they were biting people, they had this look in their eyes - totally cold. Animals. I think they were Young Republicans.

KIMBERLY: I'm very happy to accept this honor, and I will try very hard to fulfull my needs as your next Miss America.

PRINCIPAL MURRAY: I do think the students learned a valuable lesson about safety. 'Cept the dead ones, I mean, of course. Well, they learned it, but, ah, they really, they really didn't have time to implement it, you know and, ah - are we live?

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this page last updated on 18 january 2003